hi there!

Today is Thursday and I still feel the same. I don't know why I feel this way. Someone who just broke up with her boyfriend should be sad and feel lonely. But in fact, I just feel a little lonely and a little sad. Why?? Maybe because my boyfriend and I didn't spend our time together so often, even almost once in two weeks. For this, really, I don't blame him that he goes to university in the capital city and I go to school in the city which is smaller than Jakarta. This is just the situation. I've really known it from the very beginning, but I really couldn't imagine that it would be this hard.

So... the story ended. I broke up with him on Tuesday. Well, kinda hurt, I know. But I must do this for my own good. He promised to love me forever. And for him, promise is a promise, and a promise is not made to be broken. Well, for this one, I don't really care actually. I'm glad if he would love me forever, but hey, get real man! I'm still 18 and you're still 20 and you're talking about the duration between now until the end of the world, huh?! I mean, forever means 'until the day I die' or something like that, right? So, I don't really pay attention to that one.

Yesterday was the first day for me to be a single. No one SMS me, no one give me a phone call before I sleep, and no one was looking for my - deactivated - facebook. It felt different, I admit. But I guess I was ready for this so I wasn't crying or begging for mercy from God to make me feel better. I do feel worse and better at the same time, actually. Well, I can't deny that I was sad to break him up, but I knew that that was what I had wanted for a long time.

"I'm sorry Tata, you are special for me, but I really can't make you even love me more."

And he asked me how to make me still be with him, but I still said no. I said no. I said no. I said no. And I don't feel sorry for that, but I feel sorry to broke his heart. I am really really sorry, but please let me go.